The day my life span upside down….. (part2)

Now you never know how you’re going to react, when faced with the news you have cancer and to make it worse a brain tumour.
I remember when I was younger , imagining being told such news and how I would deal with it.
Well years later, here I was sat in hospital, facing that very news, it was as though I new one day it would happen.
I stared at my consultant , her name I couldn’t tell you. I paused for a moment taking it in, it was as though time had stood still. I turned to Sam, looked at her, thinking right……s***.
I was numb. I always thought I would instantly break down, but here I was facing this news and nothing.
Then it hit me like a train , a tidal wave of emotion washed over me.
I couldn’t stop it and I started to sob.
Sam hugged me , as she cried with me.
I looked at the consultant and asked what was next.
She replied ” I WONT LIE TO YOU, I AM NO EXPERT WITH BRAIN TUMOURS, I CANT REALLY TELL YOU ANYMORE , BUT IT HAS BEEN CONFIRMED BY WALTON.” Now here came the kicker, it just so happened it was a bank holiday weekend and it was now late Friday. I couldn’t get an appointment at Walton , till Tuesday .
The consultant said she didn’t want me staying in for 4 days, as I could take the required medication at home. If it was ok with me, she wanted to discharge me in the morning , to walton neurologically, at the first available appointment. Obviously I agreed, it was baking hot outside and forecast for an amazing weekend. It was the final game of the season on Sunday and I needed to escape the confines of the hospital.
So what do I do next , who do I tell, what about work, family friends.
All these thoughts flooded my mind.
I can’t really remember my family coming back in, how I told them or their reaction, I just know I did and it happened.
Now remember, unfortunately it was my daughters birthday, so Sam said she was going to go home, freshen up ,pick up the birthday cake and bring the kids back so we could have a mini party for her in my room.
Bang… like that I was alone in the room , as quick as they had all come, they had gone, the day had flew by. I sat there looking out the window “WHY ME”I couldn’t be alone with my thoughts.
I rang my mate mat, who I have been close with since 15years old, He new I was in hospital with suspected meningitis, all I said was ,could he come to the hospital as I needed to speak him. As quick as a flash he replied “ON MY WAY”.
I didn’t want to be alone with my thoughts, which were dark and upsetting, I didn’t want to deal with them now.
I rang my close friend wildy, we had worked with each other for 10 years , been away together and went from start to finish with each other getting promoted. He had been through a rough few years, tragically losing his son to leukaemia. His wife jackie was also recovering from surgery, following a brain tumour as well. If anyone could calm my nerves stop me cracking up he could.
On the phone his usual happy go lucky voice answered, as the conversation continued this changed to sadness and anger , as I explained what had happened and the prognosis I was facing . But like a flash he switched “RIGHT SORT YOURSELF OUT, WE’RE UP FOR THIS FIGHT. I WILL TELL WORK IF YOU WANT.IM OFF BUT I WILL GO SEE MIKE AND ALL THE LADS, THEN I WILL GO SPEAK TO MARK HARRISON FOR YOU”. Mike was my old sergeant and a massive help with my promotion over the years, some one along with my former boss cliff Barr I respected tremendously, cliff Barr I owed my job and success to, but we will address that later .
I had a close bond with my old block and unit within the tactical team. we had been all over the country together on operations, events , tours, worked unbelievably hard with ridiculous hours, got amazing results , had partied far and wide , but most of all we had each other’s back , when our backs were against the wall on the street. We had literally faced life and death situations together . You can’t not help feel like family in those situations.
Mark Harrison was a chief superintendent and my area commander, I had worked under him 6years ago when he was chief inspector on the wirral, he had risen through the ranks and rightly so, he shared my philosophy of first in last out.
The fact wildy was going to sort this was a massive relief, apart from my close family and friends I didn’t want to speak with anyone. Every time i Said the words , I have a brain tumour it reduced me to tears.
To this day wildy & Jackie are still a massive help, shoulder to cry on and ear to chew.
I phoned my closest friends and work colleagues in the job , jamo and nick. Jamo failed to answer ,which is no surprise.
Nick answered I asked him to come visit me , he told me he would tomorrow as he was just on his way out for the night. I only said, I need to speak to you. He replied ” YEAH , SORRY , IM ON MY WAY NOW”.
Both nick and matt came at separate times and both times , I went either outside or off the ward to escape.
I needed air, I felt like I was suffocating on this poisonous news. Both times as I said the words, tears rolled down my cheeks and they both struggled themselves. My god, does this get any easier talking about it, admitting my death sentence I kept thinking.
Soon Sam was back with the kids and cake . Kids being kids, Halle quick as a flash…”YOUVE RUINED MY BIRTHDAY , YOU OWE ME A HUGE BIRTHDAY NEXT YEAR” I am still now reminded of this weekly if not daily ..
We all sang happy birthday and made a fuss of her. she confessed to having a good birthday and she was secretly happy….because I had got her and josh the day of school .
I had also received a few texts from my staff in Huyton saying, sorry sgt, heard you are in a bad way, hope you get better soon , but thanks for the day off.
My unit, as a precaution, had all been sent home still thinking it was meningitis, they didn’t know the true horror or battle that lay in wait for me.
Suddenly it was 10pm I said my goodbyes, kissed my kids and wife and was again alone . This was to be my only full nights sleep for the next 6 weeks. Strangely I slept like a log , well I had been up for nearly 48 hrs with only the 1 hrs kip before the seizure, what do you expect.

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